Posts in popular
Losing My Little Brother

I stand on the balcony. I can feel the cool breeze, the heat of the sun and smell the trees so clearly. Everything looks the same and yet everything is different. I have walked into a portal and stepped out into another dimension. I walk compulsively over the planks of wood on our deck, back and forth and back and forth. Careful to keep my feet between the lines.

Read More
popular, Uncategorizednirrimi
The Weight of a Big Heart

I recognise the fire in Alba’s eyes, I think she has more than I ever did. She’s spirited and stubborn but if she sees that I'm down she will kiss me so tenderly and sing to me until I smile. In the hard moments it can be difficult to find gratitude, but when I do, it’s all there is.

Read More
Waking in New Cities

I get to the venue as Klara and Johanna are doing soundcheck. They are real and I am here. Klara catches my eye and grins. I go backstage and meet their mama and brother but everything is a haze and I can’t keep my eyes open so I nap.

That night I try to photograph them playing but I realise it’s not what I need to capture. I need to capture the things others don’t see. The connection of sisterhood, what happens off stage and life on the road.

Read More
popular, Uncategorizednirrimi
The Love That Heals

So often it's the unexpected beauty that hits me the hardest. Like watching a black bird lift its wings to take flight and seeing the brightest red feathers flash beneath them, or seeing a single flower growing amongst tangles of weeds, or glancing up at a glittering night sky in the middle of nowhere after months of blank city skies.

Read More
The Beginning

A little battle rages in my head. On one hand, I feel that love, like success, is personal. It should be defined by whoever feels it, used in whatever way feels right. Love is also an act, and it was true that he'd spent our short time together loving me. But on the other hand I felt like saying, how could you say you love me after two days? You only know such a tiny part of me and maybe you do love that tiny part but how do you know you will love the rest? The great unknown, the ocean, the universe of me; full of light but also darkness and scars and ugliness you can't even imagine yet...

Read More
popular, Uncategorizednirrimilife
The Darkest Shadows

It was years later that I sat in the courtroom again, biting the inside of my cheek and digging my nails into my arms, waiting for the verdict. I was pregnant and just beginning to understand the intensity and vulnerability of being a Mother. I wanted to hear ‘guilty’ as much as anyone else. For my cousin, for my aunties, for his daughters, for my family and in a very strange way, for my own daughter growing in my womb. And he was guilty, on all counts, and I breathed a sigh of relief weighed down by sadness. Sad that this was the way it had to be.

Read More
popular, Uncategorizednirrimilife
A Place to Belong

All of my memories past this point feel as though they caught flames. When I entered Jess' bedroom they were laying in bed together. Suddenly things began to make sense. Although I had no desire to be with M (our break up was for the best) and I'd wanted him to find love, a feeling swelled up in me that was made of fire. I lost my self-control and smashed a lamp against the wall. I was yelling. I'd never felt so out of control.

Read More
Fighting Hate with Love

I don't feel angry at anyone who has set out to bring me pain. I know it sounds very 'hippie' but I feel like I do love everyone, because I know we're all the same. We're all making decisions based on the experiences we've had, all wanting to be loved and understood. I like to think that the people who do and say cruel things anonymously online aren't fully realising the hurt they are causing the people they attack. As though they think we're not as real as they are. There are many ways to justify hate but at the end of the day it is still hate. I feel that if you wouldn't say it in the real world, don't say it online.

Read More
popular, Uncategorizednirrimilife
Death of Childhood

The wind is cold so I wrap my arms around myself tightly. I carry the burden of a thousand worries and it makes me fall faster. I hear the laughter of friends and the hollowness of death and the passion of my art in my mind and for a moment I forget I am even falling. I feel everything and sometimes when I feel nothing I feel the most of all. I put myself together as I fall from old pieces of myself and new pieces I collect along the way. I see many different places as I fall and I breathe them in to become a part of me too. I am imperfect. I make one hundred mistakes and then one hundred more, and through them I grow.

Read More